sh*t my son says

Justin Halpern wrote a book about conversations with his father titled 'Shit my dad says'. It is absolutely, positively hilarious. It causes laughing until your cheeks hurt and you are crying. In other words it is a great read.

Justin inspired me to do this post. Kam says some of the most interesting things. Not a day goes by that I don't find myself staring at the ceiling trying to remain calm and not start hysterically laughing. I have started to write some of his comments, questions and our conversations down so I can refer to them when I need a good laugh. Here are some of my favorites....

• "Lets go buy a John Deere today."
• "Well we could just have brownies for dinner tonight"
• Me: "Kam what is the most important thing I have taught you?" Kam: " "The most important ting you have done to me is make me eat all my pancakes and to always tell you what I am doing in my bedroom."
• Kam: "Is it my birthday today?" Me: "No. Not for 9 months." Kam: "I could get a present today too though huh?! That sounds like fun."
• "We need to get the mail today. There might be some new coupons in there"
• Kam: "So there is a baby in your belly?" Jess: "Yup! Then when the baby gets big he will pop right out of my belly button!" Kam: (Pointing to her boobs) "So is there some babies in there too?"
• "My noodoos are neat. My bowl is neat. Everything is actually pretty neat Mom."
• Kam: "Are you sick?" Me: (Just finishing a 2 minute coughing session) "Yeah I am sick. I actually feel like crap." Kam: "Yeah I feel like manure."

mommyhood

Seeing as how it is  Mother's Day today and my blog is titled 'Mommy and Kam' I find it fitting to do a post about my experiences as a mother so far. Where to even begin? I guess I will tell the events that took place on Mother's Day 2011.

It started at 6:00 in the morning. Kam comes into my room in his underwear and socks holding 3 blankets and his Buzz Lightyear doll and says to me "Mommy I think I had an accident." OK let me back up a little bit. Let's go back to 10:45 the night before. Kam and I get home. He had been with Grandpa all day and I had been at work. We were both so exhausted by the time we got home, actually Kam had passed out 15 miles before even getting there. I grabbed my keys and my phone and heaved Kam into our house. Kam was so comatose that I couldn't even get him to sit up to take his sweatshirt off. I left his socks and underwear on and called it good. I went into my room layed down on my bed in my work clothes, shoes on, and contacts in. That was the end of it. I was so exhausted I left lights on and the front door unlocked. Next thing I know it is 6:07 in the morning and I am presented with a mess.

Happy Mother's Day I thought to myself. I get Kam cleaned up and in my bed and explained to him that it is still early and we need to go back to sleep. I was lucky enough that for once in the history of Kam's life he slept until 9:52. We woke up to my dad calling me and couldn't believe what time it was. Talk about a great Mother's day present...SLEEP! Can this day get any better... Yes. Yes it can. I did the usual glamorous things involved in being a mom, 3 loads of laundry, scrubbed the bath tub, did the dishes, vacuumed the house, went to the store, etc. Somewhere in the mix of the day Kam presented me with the 2nd part of his great gift. He wiped his own bum when he pooped. By this point I am thinking "How did I get so lucky? Kam let me sleep and wiped his own butt. Amazing. Just amazing. Can it be Mother's Day everyday?..."  I am still on cloud 9. So that was my experience as a single mom on Mother's day 2011.

I knew that Kam would give me hell within the first 30 minutes of having him home. He decided to pee in the middle of his first diaper change. It was everywhere. His little face, his 'coming home outfit', my clothes, and the wall. He just looked at me and had a funny face. I knew I was in for it with this little dude. This is what I have learned so far from mommyhood.

• As a mother you have to make a lot of sacrifices. Good sacrifices though. Sacrifices to ensure your child is happy and well taken care of. Just the other day I found myself holding my hand out the window with a half melted candy trying to get the cold air to make it edible. By the end of it my hand was ice, the candy was not so "melty", and Kam was happy as ever chowing down in the back seat. Every sacrifice big and small is worth it though.
• Sleep is for the weak. I usually get to bed after midnight and I am up between 7 and 8. Unless it is Mother's day I am up at 6:00. My coffee pot is always armed and ready when I go to bed at night so I can flip the on switch in the morning.
• Messes happen. Deal with it. I have found many interesting things waiting for me thanks to Kam's curiosity. One morning my whole entire spice drawer was filled to the brim with every spice, seasoning, bottle of vanilla extract and taco seasoning packet I had in the house. Kam didn't really have an explanation for that one. I didn't give him time to give me one he was sent to his room so fast.
• Kids are like sponges. Monkey see monkey do. When Kam was 2 I hear him in the kitchen playing. Next thing I hear is his sweet tiny little voice saying "damnit". I wanted to cry. I also wanted to kick my own butt for letting his ears hear that word.
• Boys will be boys. I will never forget the first time I witnessed Kam peeing outside. Pants down, facing a tree, and his little tiny butt cheeks getting some sun. When I asked him about it his response was that Daddy and Grandpa do it too.
• When they are sick, you are sick and your life shuts down for a few days. It will be back up and running just fine. Try to stay sane for this time frame.
• When Kam was born, I was born. The mother was born. Together, step by step we are learning.
• I would not change a thing. Kam is my life. I don't know what I would do or who I would be without him.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mums out there. Especially mine! Without her, I wouldn't be the mom I am today!

Castle In The Sky

Recently Kameron's great grandma Ricker passed. (This was his dad's grandmother) Before going to the funeral I didn't really tell Kam too much about why he was going. Death for me is a touchy subject and seeing as how it was a loss on his dad's side of the family I wanted them to tell him about it. When my grandmother passed Kam was only 16 months old so I didn't need to worry about the explanation of why she was "sleeping" or why everyone was so sad.

When Kam came back from his visit to Idaho Falls for the services, I really didn't know what to expect. I didn't know how they explained it to him or what terms they used so a 3 year old could comprehend. Little did I know I had nothing to worry about.

On the way home Kam said to me "Mommy can you hold my hand please?" I reached into the backseat while driving and grabbed onto his tiny little hand. The way he squeezed a little tighter than normal I knew he needed some mommy time. So I began to ask him questions about the trip. I didn't say a word about Grandma Ricker, I just kept it simple asking the basic "what did you do? did you have fun?" type of questions. Instantly Kam started jabbering about Grandma Ricker and her 'castle'. After a few minutes of him explaining what he learned this is what I gathered.

Grandma Ricker got very sick and fell asleep. She is sleeping good now and can't play anymore. There was a lot of people there when she went into the ground, BUT she is in a castle now.

The castle comments really sparked my interest. I started asking questions about it and he replied with a sweet "Well mommy she is just in a big big big castle so she be OK." Simple as that. I was floored and also very teary eyed. It gets better. Kam then says "Grandpa Mark (my dad) won't go to a castle though. He won't get sick. If he does I will just be missing him a lot so he won't. You won't get sick will you mommy?" By now I am a mess. Tears are falling and nose is running. I squeezed his hand very tight and told him "Grandpa Mark won't get sick anytime soon and I especially won't. I still have way too many things to do and see before that happens. I don't want you to ever worry about that Kam. Ever" "OK I won't. We better wash our hands a lot so we don't get sick."

Overall I couldn't believe at how well he did with understanding something so scary, confusing, and complex. I mean, even I cannot talk about it. Maybe I should just start putting things into his perspective. I guess after all it is just a little trip to a castle in the sky.

Pinching my Pennies

Currently gas is $3.66 a gallon. Everytime I fill my tank up I feel as if I am selling my soul. My head hurts, things start to go dark, and just when I feel like it is the 'end' the nozzle makes that loud CLICK, I hold my breath and slowly open my eyes expecting to see the fiery gates of hell but instead see 'TOTAL $43.76'. After reading the total it is usually followed by some gasping, groaning, and muttering curse words under my breath. Once I get back into my car I slump down in the drivers seat and conjure up ideas on how to get myself and Kam from Tremonton to Logan on a pedal bike. Since that is highly unreasonable (although I know everyone that reads this is picturing me pedaling my butt 27 miles one way with a happy-go-lucky 3 year old on the handlebars holding my purse...) I have found some other ways to save money. Well I guess just one way. One really big, really awesome way to save money....COUPONS!

I love it. I love them. I love checking my mail to see if I got any new ones. I love filing them. I love printing them with my shiny new printer I bought just for them. I love coupons.

Now that we got my ranting and raving out of the way, lets discuss this coupon business, or as some like to call it '"couponing". My friend told me about her coupon experiences in January. She told me she saved over 50% (at least) on her groceries a month. I didn't believe it. I mean really though, using a coupon and getting things for free because of that coupon?! I needed an explination on a few things.
1. How in the heck does that happen?
2. Is it legal?
3. Why in the hell am I just NOW finding out about this?!?
The answers to those questions are as follows...You stack a coupon on top of rock bottom prices and get it for next to nothing, or nothing. Yes it is legal. I have been running around with the wrong crowd. (OK mom you were right. All these years. There I said it.) The crowd that doesn't save money.

After lots and lots of explaining, a filing system for the coupons, a new printer, and a handy little thing to take my coupons to the store in I can officialy say "I am a crazy coupon lady!" The money I save is ridiculous. The quantities of items I get is unheard of, and I just can't get enough of it. Sometimes the deals are so good I grab a bunch of extras and give them to my family. It is my way of making sure my name is at the top of everyones Christmas lists. :) Here are some examples of the great deals......

I got all this for $13.23

(most of those body washes were FREE!)

2 bottles of detergent. Before coupons $9.00 after $4.00

The razor alone would have normally been $12.89 before tax...

because of coupons all of it was $15.79!

So the moral of the story is, if you are looking to save money and don't want to ride a bike 56 miles a day start couponing! It is becoming more of a hobby to me and I absolutely cannot get enough of it. I can't believe I used to pay full price for things. Sometimes I do have to bite the bullet and buy things at regular price though and it almost hurts as bad as filling up the car with gas.

The Health Mission

I have been really trying to be healthier and take better care of myself this year. This is what I like to call the Health Mission. It is my mission to look for more organic items, drink more soy and almond milk, cut out processed foods, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and cook dinner instead of ordering dinner or getting it out of a box.
So far it is going OK. I say OK because I am a candyholic. Other than that it is fabulous. Kam and I make our breakfast from scratch in the morning and the mornings we are in a hurry it is still something along the lines of fresh fruit and yogurt. I have made a huge effort to take lunches to work vs hitting a drive thru window. I know that a frozen pasta isn't always the best but I am sure it beats a deep fried piece of processed chicken that is cut into pieces that are shaped like the BK crown. Dinner is so much fun now. Tuna helper you can kiss my butt. The butt that you helped morph into a size bigger than I was 2 years ago. I am more adventurous and want to try to make things from scratch. When we don't cook we still keep it healthy.
For example last night Kam decided that he wanted pizza. I pulled out my file for restaurant coupons and found a pretty good one for Papa Murphy's take and bake. I asked Kam which one he wanted and he points to the vegetarian. This one is actually my favorite, I didn't know, however, how Kam would like it since it doesn't have red sauce or meat. He was persistent though so off I went, with my fingers crossed he would eat dinner that night, to pick up a pile of vegetables and cheese.
We get home, cook the pizza which looked amazing, (my mouth was watering the whole time it was baking and I was pacing the floor like a worried dog) and dish up. Kam was soooo excited to eat it. I was still worried that excitement would drain out of his little being the minute he tasted an artichoke heart. I sat him down at the table and gave him his piece that he picked out all by himself and asked what he would like to drink. "So do you want ice water, milk, Gatorade or orange juice?" In a very cheerful tone he replies "I want SOY MILK!"
That was the moment. The moment I knew my goal of raising a kid with his health in mind was being achieved. I was so impressed with my little man. I was even more impressed when he ate his ENTIRE piece of vegetarian pizza and washed it down with a cup of soy milk.

Mission accomplished. :)

This is the good life

As you may know I am a very optimistic person. I always try to make the absolute best of every situation and enjoy every aspect of my crazy little life. Here are some prime examples of what makes my life so gosh dang great. . .

• Being a mommy. Not only being a mommy but, being a mommy to the best little boy in the world.
• Having so many people in heaven watching over me.
• My amazing family. Especially my sister. She always listens to my stories and offers advice.
• I have a roof over my head, a vehicle that gets me from here to there and back, food to eat, a bed to climb into every night, and love from all those around me to hold it all together.
• Vodka. Yes you read that right. Vodka makes my life better in many ways. Stress reliever in a bottle. Don't get the wrong idea, I am in no way an alcoholic, I am just a dang good time. :)
• Music. It always has a way of making you just...you know...ahhh...EXACTLY!
• My ability to laugh.
• Best friends. Without them I would be soooo lost. Shaylise Bowen, Jessica Gledhill, and LaChelle Enright I wouldn't know what to do without you.
• My health. I am sure I am not the healthiest person alive (refer to the vodka mention above) but I can get out of bed just fine, use my legs to get me places, my arms to pick up my little boy, my lungs to breathe, my eyes to see the beautiful things all around me, my mouth to eat delicious foods, the list goes on and on.
• Comfortable couches. Better yet MY comfortable white chair.
• Crafting. Creating things with my hands.
• Bedtime stories with Kam. Reading Mars Needs Moms never ever ever gets old.

Those are just some of the many reasons I love life.

A little something I love....

Such a great phrase to live by!