"well you can still hold me tomorrow"

5 years. It has been 5 years since Kam came into this world and blessed us with his grace and happy personality. I will never forget the day he was born. He was just as stubborn then as he is now. It was one of the worst snow storms of the year. Family and friends that were traveling to the hospital to greet him drove through a blizzard that covered all of east Idaho. I was induced on the 20th of December at 7:00 in the morning. 20 hours later at 2:52 AM he finally decided to give in and join the party. The first cry was a sound that I will never forget. To say he was perfect is an understatement. He had all 10 fingers and toes, and was beautiful. His lips were a beautiful shade of red and he had the fairest skin. Round eyes and the softest cheeks. I was then, and still am, so smitten with this little boy. They say that when the child is born, so is the mother. That couldn't be more true.

When children grow up it is the most bittersweet process to be a part of. Each age and stage has so many great qualities as well as struggles. In the years that Kam has been around I have been blessed with a little boy who is wise beyond his years, defines the term 'unconditional love' and graces everyone in his presence with his sweet charm.

I remember the first night home with him. I was 19 years old and scared out of my mind. My mom stayed with us that night and what a help it was. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have eaten that night because I couldn't set him down to get anything done. I put him in the bassinet next to my bed and called it a night pretty early. At some point in the night he woke up with a hungry belly and I did what I think most new moms do, pulled him into my bed and nursed him to sleep. He never made another peep until morning. I remember waking up extremely stiff knowing that I didn't move an inch in the night as not to squish my baby. He was lying on his back swaddled up in a blanket and I was wrapped around him. The sun was coming in the window and his little tiny profile, I will never forget, was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. His tiny button nose was so adorable. That little nose was then, and still is, my favorite feature.

Tonight when we were talking about his birthday I mentioned to him that I didn't want him to grow up. "Why not mommy?" he said. "I just don't want you to get big." I replied staring off into the distance remembering that first morning and his tiny nose. "Well Mommy. You can still hold me tomorrow. I will only be 5." It was then, at that moment, I looked down and caught a glimpse of his profile and saw that cute little button nose. He couldn't be more correct. I can, and most certainly will, still hold him tomorrow. I mean after all, he will only be 5.

I love you Kameron Christopher John.

A year in photos...

It has been a year since I have done this. (I used to be so on top of this blog!) For the record this past year has been a busy year so at least I have a reason as to why I fell behind, or at least an excuse. To make it easier I decided to just do a picture for each month. So here you have it, a year in photos.....

January, date night. This month was so cold we stayed inside for most of it. We developed a date night tradition this month also. I want Kam to look back and remember doing those one on one things with me that so many kids don't get. One of the advantages to being a single momma, he is my one and only!

 



February! I made a fun little weekend trip to Vegas with my great friends Jackie and Jenn. It all spurred on the idea of going for Valentines Day since we (well Jackie and I) were single. I ate way too much food and spent 3 nights walking the strip with some great people!

March...I turned 24. One more year to lower insurance rates! I celebrated with a Jazz vs Heat basketball game, sushi at my favorite sushi joint in Salt Lake, and a glass of wine. All of course all happened with the best girlfriends a girl could ask for!

April- Kam learned about cooties. Kam also learned that Moms are cootie free and are always allowed in his bedroom. Especially to help clean it up. :)

May, AKA national ride your bike month. Seeing as how it is a whole month dedicated to pedaling, I went out and bought myself some new wheels. This was by far one of the best investments a person can make. I dropped 2 pant sizes, and started onto a much healthier lifestyle. Not to mention it is an activity that Kam enjoys doing with me.

June, the beginning of summer! Kam and I were lucky enough to get invited to go boating at Palisades with my friend Andrea. It was a BLAST!! Kam loved every minute of it and it was worth the blistering sunburn. For the record, Neutrogena waterproof SPF 50 spray can does in fact NOT work.

July- UPGRADED! Kam and I got a shiny new whip! It is a Ford Fusion. I took it upon myself to name her "The Fuss". That way when people say "What is all the fuss about?!" I can just point to my girl.

August, summertime was slowly coming to an end. This is Kam and I enjoying ourselves at a baseball game. This was one of our fun little date nights that I mentioned in January. Please refer to the first picture for further information.

September, one of my favorite months because of the annual Colton family reunion. This year it was just Clint, Kam, and myself that went to represent my family, but it was so much fun! We did a photo booth for an activity and it was a hit!

October... BOO! Kam was a cute little spiderman for Halloween. Ok ok, he was the custest spiderman there ever was! He was so sweet and cute at each house. We wrapped up our night of spooks and scares with some carmel apple cider at Starbucks.

November, a month of thanks. I was lucky enough to host the big dinner this year for my family. My first time cooking a bird and it was a SUCCESS! I am so thankful for this wonderful life I have been blessed with and all those whom I get to share it with!

23 years young and 4 years old

Kam will be turning 4 on Wednesday. 4. I can't believe that it has already been 4 years. I mean really. Really? Yes, really. I had no idea when I was 19 that my life was just beginning. To be more precise a life with purpose. The past 4 years has been an adventure of sorts. With any adventure there has been surprises, challenges, trials and excitement. This adventure in particular has had a whole lot of love. . .

I know my post about Kam's birthday is coming a few days early, but to be completely honest I don't think my hands will be empty that day so I won't be able to type this on his birthday . Why you ask? Well the answer is because I will be too busy holding him. Too busy enjoying every minute that I am able to wrap my arms around him and take in his young innocence. If the first few years have went by this fast I can't imagine the next few. The thought of him getting taller and bigger than me causes that lump to form in my throat. We all know that lump I am talking about. Its a terrible one. I may or may not have it right now just thinking about him growing up. I just want to take the next few days of him being 3 and hold onto it forever.

I have learned so much over the past few years. Some examples of those lessons are to never cry over spilt milk (literally. Even if it is on your brand new furniture. You cry they cry. Not good.), no day is so bad it  cannot be fixed with a nap, be curious, and read every day. I feel like I am getting younger every year thanks to Kam. I giggle like a school girl and run around through the sprinklers every summer. If you ever need to feel young again throw on a suit and skip through the sprinklers. Guaranteed elixir for aging.

As much as I don't want my baby to become a man I unfortunately know it is inevitable. As it pains me to say it I am looking forward to the next year however. Now if you would excuse me I have a 3 year old that will only want to sleep in my bed for so much longer to go cuddle with. :)

Oh hello December...

Ok this blog is collecting dust. To my friends that enjoy reading it my apologies for the lack of posts. I need a personal assistant to keep up on it for me. For my life just being Kam and I, it sure is busy. It's probably a good thing I am not octomom or I wouldn't have time for anything, especially not my lil ol' blog. Enough of the chatter about how little time I have. Let's get on with it!

With so much going on since we have moved back to Rigby I will just start with the big important stuff...with that being said I am happy to say I got a new job. Say hello to the store manager at Gymboree in Idaho Falls! It was a very sudden change to take on. They contacted me on a Tuesday and offered me the job on Friday. I have no regrets taking it on and love it so far. My district manager is great, My team is amazing and Kam's wardrobe is growing substantially. All in all life is good. Kam's growing so fast and has more personality than I can handle. (I can't imagine where he gets that from....)

My sister is set to close on her house and be moved out by the 30th of December. I am really going to miss having them just down the road from me and I am sure Kam will miss going over there everyday. He did tell me that he is excited to go visit them when they leave though. Looks like we will be vacationing in Boise this next year. I am hoping to find him a daycare that combines preschool into it so he can have a jump start on reading and all that good stuff. He told me the other day that he really wants to be a doctor. When I asked him what kind he replied "The kind that gives shots to kids when they are sick." I fully intend on doing everything I can to promote this kind of thinking and so preschool here we come!

Halloween was so much fun this year. Kam was a chicken. If you ask me I think he was the cutest chicken on this side of the Mississippi. We went trick or treating with my sister and her family. The kids were so cute and managed to stay warm because they were running marathons through the neighborhood we went to. Apparently they were worried there would be a candy shortage and they had to sprint from house to house. I once again found myself evaluating my lifestyle and wondered how I got so out of shape. I pondered this while eating a handful of Kameron's candy after he was asleep. :)

Pump the Brakes

Life is hectic. I need to remind myself to take time to smell the flowers more often. (Even though it is fall now and the flowers are longggg gone...) Kam and I have been keeping busy with the hustle and bustle that is our life. Between trips to Daddy's house, work, my gazillion hobbies, and spending time with the special people in my circle, I rarely find time to do this. To write. I need to find time once a week, at minimum, to just sit and type away. The sound of the keyboard is almost therapeutic...almost as therapeutic as making lists. SO...here I go! Consider yourself warned it may be long. :)

What in the heck Kam and I have been doing lately....errr...since JULY!

• Decorating the new house. (yes still.) 
• Taking walks.
• Baking. Awhile ago I made a list (go freaking figure) of some things I wanted to accomplish. One of which was baking bread. Not just any bread. Good bread. Well cross that off the bucket list. Thanks Kels. 
• Drinking pinot grigio. This one doesn't so much apply to Kam. No worries, he is still holding strongly to his chocolate milk addiction. 
• Chasing butterflies. 
• Shopping. Retail therapy. 
• Christmas shopping. Boo yeah. No last minute anxiety for me. 
• Dying my hair brown. Yes, I love it. I find myself looking in the mirror and asking "Mattie, why the hell didn't you do this sooner?"
• Smiling. 
• Crocheting. I recently got the ingenious idea from a friend to make an iPad cover. Thank you for that one Jackie. 
• Taking bubble baths. 
• Reading books. The one I am reading now is one of those life changing ones that will get its own post when I finish it. 
• Coping with the idea that my sister is moving to Boise. Everyone copes in their own way, for me it is crying on my way to work and sometimes home and NOT talking too much about it. I secretly keep hoping they will change their mind. 
• Praying. 
• Eating more than our share of corn dogs. Kam and I need to be submitted to a corn dog rehabilitation center. 
• Getting new boots. Kam is still unsure that he likes them. I needed a change. I am sure he will come around. 
• One word: Pinterest. 
• Coloring pictures. 
• Eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. I am still unsure as to how in the world I lost 10 pounds recently. I am just going to go with the whole concept of leave well enough alone. 
• Giggling with my ladies. Ahhhh without them I would be so lost. I love all of you. 
• Planning the Christmas decorations. I am so excited. 
• Getting behind on the laundry. So behind that in one day I did 6 loads. 6. For two people!
• Lighting the fall scented candles. 
• Learning about return on investment. Cars backpack is proving to have a pretty good one. 
• Reminding myself to breathe. Enjoy life. And blog more often. I feel better already. 

Jean Pants

Kam is currently in a cowboy phase. He truly believes that he is a cowboy and in case you were wondering, it IS the cutest thing ever. He wakes up bright and early and picks out his own outfit which consists of "jean pants", a tee shirt, cowboy boots, and his cowboy hat. I have been learning a lot since we started this journey.  I have learned more than I ever thought possible. One area that has really been capitalized on is how to be a cowboy. If you were wondering what it takes to roam the wild west on a horse let me tell you.

• No bubble baths. Cowboys in this day and age ONLY shower. They have apparently came a long way. All this time I thought they didn't shower at all. 
• Cowboys wake up with the sun. They have a lot to do. 
• When cowboys go to bed they must sleep with tractor blankets. 
• Indoors is no place for a cowboy. They like to be outside chewing on a piece of grass looking off into the distance. 
• "Jean pants" aren't a question. They are the answer. 

I hope that I have enlightened you with this information. I know I have been enlightened.

"I love you from your toes to your face."

Today is the first day in over a week that I have been alone without Kam. He is with his dad having a ball and I am wandering around like a lost puppy dog. I had big plans for my mommy time, so far I have worked and thought about all my mommy time plans. I was going to spend some quality time with a book and in the hot tub, take extra long showers and listen to anything but Jason Aldean 'Big Green Tractor'. Needless to say I haven't done much but think about how quiet it is without him and count down the minutes until he comes back. Goodness I sound selfish. I am not. His daddy and him are probably loving every minute of it, which makes me feel good, however, I am still feeling like a lost puppy. 

When I was driving to work today I thought a lot about Kam. Nothing new there, but today I thought more about how amazing someone who is 3 feet tall can be. He has done so much for me and he has no idea. Kam has always been there for me and I know that our bond is strong enough that he will always be there for me and I will always be there for him. No matter what. He is the definition of love. My definition of love. That is what matters most. Everyday he reminds me to get up and be somebody. I am a lot of people. I am a daughter, sister, friend, aunt, boss, but the best someone I can be is his mommy. 

Kam sets such a strong example for me in so many ways. He reminds me to show emotion and let people know how I feel. I may not do this in the same way he sometimes does. (Screaming in Wal-Mart isn't really my cup of tea and hopefully it won't be his for much longer.) 

He teaches me that if I am happy say I am happy. If I am sad, exhausted or just upset, it is OK to cry. 

Saying I love you to someone is one of the most important things he reminds me to do. The way I feel when he tells me he loves me, makes me want to tell everyone close to me I love them, just so they can feel the warm feeling it offers. 

He teaches me to be artistic. Every color is a good one and everything should have lots of color. 

He shows me how to take responsibility for my actions. If I made the mess, clean it up. He cleans up his messes, so should I. 

Wake up in the morning and eat a giant bowl of sunshine for breakfast. I have never in my life known anyone to be as happy to be awake before dawn as he is. 

Be a friend. Be nice. Give big squeezes and wet kisses. 

Be a kid. 

I love you Kameron Christopher John. 

Don't change a thing about you. You are perfect the way you are. I grew you that way.